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911 New York City
By: Lennie Fisher
Lennie Fisher is an Irishman living in London. This is his testimony in relation to the events surrounding the 911 Twin Tower disaster in New York City.
In the 1980s I was
involved in the manufacture and construction of tall buildings in Cities such as
London and New York.I had taken a
break from that business to do other things in the 90s - During 2001 it
was a surprise for me when my old partner from New York made contact to see if I
wanted to get back in the business. We had been responsible for the buildings
that surrounded the win Towers in New York and a group from China wanted to see
our projects with a view to ask us to replicate them in Shanghai. I was already
very interested in China so I agreed to get involved. I was in London,
and we agreed to meet in early September in New York. I flew into Florida on
September 5 with an associate from China to prepare.
The stage was set. I must first add that I never get sick, prior to that time.I might have felt unwell on a rare occasion, but never sick enough to cancel a meeting. This was a very important meeting worth many millions of dollars.
th I was sick; my throat was badly swollen.&I was walking around Port St Lucie, Florida with my kids, trying to get a drug store to give me medicine. Not without a prescription,sir, was the reply. Ms Sun had joined us for brunch and I told her I was going to postpone the meeting. She was shocked. I was out walking around, looking after my kids. I was not real sick. I was, however, sure for some reason inside my mind that I was not going to the Twin Towers on Tuesday, September 11th for breakfast.
My phone records show that I called my partner at home in New York at 11:52 am on Sunday 9th September. I just got voice Mail so I called his cell phone at 11:54 am. He was gutted. I could only tell him to postpone until I could give him a new date.
He was not real happy with me and Ms Sun was not real happy with me, and in fact . . . I was not real happy with me. We cancelled the Monday flights and that was it.
Next day - Monday morning - Ms Sun came to ask how I was. Now I had a bigger problem. The trip was off and I was 100% well! No sore throat; completely gone without any medicine.
It would be fair to say she was not happy with me, and I dared not call my partner in New York. He would have gone crazy; everything was on hold.
I pacified Ms Sun by promising to take her to the shops in Miami about 100 miles south next morning, Tues 11th of September.
We left early to miss the traffic and stopped for breakfast at a nice Hotel in Fort Lauderdale just north of Miami.
At breakfast we where beside a big screen TV. I never watch TV in America. There is so much junk, I had no TV service at home - just video for the kids, so for me to see live news was a very slim chance.
However, right beside us the TV was broadcasting the news that the whole world has now seen the devastation of the Twin Towers and the massive loss of life.
Everyone in the Hotel was shocked, but Ms Sun was clearly shaken . . . knowing that we had come so close to being there.For me, it was another time to say,Thank you,God, again!, as my life has been spared so many times.
Over the next two hours that great nation of America closed.Everything stopped Mostall the shops and businesses closed.All flights and transportation stopped; it was an entire nation in mourning.
My partner from New York called to say ?thank you;He did not go to the Towers as our meeting had been postponed. He told me that he had just said farewell to his friend by phone who was trapped in an office in one of the Twin Towers and he could not escape.
As a member of the Security Forces in Northern Ireland, I had been fighting Terrorism since I was 19 years old. I could personally deal with this, but I could see that for many people it was their first real taste of the evil that exists in our world.
This should be the end of my story However ... God has been my constant source through a tough life. He had not yet spoken about 911 to me. On the night of 11 September I prayed like most of the civilizThe Dream
I was sitting in a classroom; I was the only person apart from the teacher. I have been instructed before in the same room with the same man. He is non- descript and stands beside a white board with a marker but never uses the marker. He began telling me what happened in New York.
"This was Satan?s answer to David and Goliath."
I was aware of this story. It is depicted in the Bible, 1 Samuel chapter 17, starting with verse 20.
I was thinking ... okay ... this could be a little similar. But the man was keen to explain exactly.
"Okay," he said, "David the shepard boy was told to go to the brook and choose five smooth stones. (Verse 40 ). These stones where chosen because they where washed smooth by the water; they where five aerodynamic flying objects. The terrorists chose five aircraft, (five aerodynamic flying objects)."
As I was instructed in my dream, I was able to agree with these facts, as I had read the story many times.
He continued . . .
"David the shepard boy slung the stone at the giant Goliath. Now Lennie, you have always misunderstood the Bible. The Bible is clear the stone entered his forehead." This spoke volumes to me. I had always misunderstood. Now this person in my dream is not just confirming facts, but even confirming my personal misunderstandings.
"Verse 49 is clear. (The stone entered the forehead). The first aircraft entered the building at a height that would be representative as the place of the forehead of a Giant."
Then he continued, "The giant fell on his face to the ground. David took Goliath's own sword and attacked him from behind, cutting off his head."
"The second aircraft was America's own sword. It came from the other direction. It banked over like a sword and almost severed the building, hitting it lower as a symbol of cutting of the head of a Giant."
This is what I was told, I have no personal theory to share. My opinion is not important. This is the dream as given to me.
There are powerful Spiritual Forces at work. Find God - trust Him< and ask him to show you the way.
MONEY
CAN'T BUY YOU LOVE
(The Alice Cruz Story)
By: Alice Cruz
I would like to share with you how I came
into this world, and to a family where I was never allowed to talk about my
problems, for fear of being beaten. Children should be seen and not heard, was a
family motto of ours. My stepfather, and other relatives began molesting
me from a young age. I wet my bed, to keep them out of it, only to experience my
mothers beatings the next day, for wetting the bed. She didn't know how to help
me, so she thought she could scare me by hitting me so I would stop wetting my
bed. We lived a life of pretending, not facing the truth. We didn't talk about
problems, and by the time I became an adult, I had a hard time expressing
myself. I was like a volcano of emotions, trying not to erupt. I became fat as a
way of protecting myself. My Mom closed her eyes to the problems to meet her own
needs, and getting drunk on food became another avoidance tactic. My mother was
spiritually asleep and drunk on food, and that became my way of life too. < I was dying in my fat, shopping my life away with
all my major credit cards. I had been going to church for ten years in my
beautiful car, BUT I WAS DYING INSIDE! I was trying to "pay" for
my sins, by handing over money, but my soul wasn't being washed and cleansed,
because of my dishonesty. I would rather try and PAY for my sin, than FACE
MY SIN, and look to Jesus to give me a heart of flesh for my heart of stone
.........
I made up my mind to not be dependent on anyone, but myself. I became
independent, rebellious, and lost myself in my world of pretending and fantasy
which caused me to feel extremely lonely. I avoided the truth to meet my
own needs, I didn't let the Lord in, or anyone else in, but my heart was crying
out to know the God of my salvation.
I married a man just like my stepfather, a child molester. Like my mother, I
pretended it wasn't true. I thought he was my prince, my knight in shining
armor. He had many good qualities, which caused me to close my eyes to his
alcoholism, and sexual hang-ups. We made $160,000.00 a year between the two of
us, and he bought me all the candy and toys I wanted. He let me go to Disney
Land (my favorite place), to feed my life of fantasy. I stayed drunk on food. I
escaped reality thru TV and bought movies all the time. I bought toys and had
the biggest TEDDY BEAR collection any had ever seen. My life consisted of going
to church, but I surrounded myself with all my idols, and (FALSE COMFORTERS).
My husband and I didn't talk to each other, or really even know each other, he
did his thing and I did mine. He served his idols and I served mine, but I
went to church. We each had our own separate livingroom, so we didn't interfere
with the other's TV viewing. He bought me diamonds, and took me to Israel three
times (so I could get holy)! 2 Thes. 2:10 says, "they received not the
love of the truth, that they might be saved, FOR THIS REASON God shall send them
strong delusion that they should believe a lie. That all who did not believe in
the truth, but preferred unrighteousness MIGHT BE DAMNED." I was living a DAMNED
life, because I wouldn't face the truth. I was preferring unrighteousness,
over really knowing the joy of my salvation, and my Savior, Jesus Christ.
The HOLY spirit was not my comforter, and I was tormented by many unholy spirits that were captivating me in a prison of fear.
I thought it would hurt too much to face the truth about things. I didn't
have faith that Jesus would love and forgive me if I was really honest. I
didn't know HE HAD THE POWER TO SAVE ME, if I would just FACE THE CANCER IN MY
SOUL! Just the opposite was true! He was waiting patiently for me to come
to the death of my own ways.
I had a friend named Linda, who was finding the truth that was setting her free.
She introduced me to a man, with an Apostolic calling on his life....He and his
precious wife, began showing me who Jesus Christ really is! They helped me face
many things, I HAD BEEN RUNNING FROM ALL MY LIFE. I realized I couldn't
buy the gift of forgiveness with all my money and credit cards. Jesus
wasn't like all the friendships I had that I was paying for. I
realized He couldn't be bought. I had to come....."just as I
am," and though my sins were red as crimson, He could make me white as
snow.
I began facing the brokenness, pain and hurt from my past. I had to receive God's
people and His family, so I could be fathered, mothered, sistered, and brothered
all over again, and it was healing to my soul. As I let the
"real" me out, and quit trying to buy friends with money, and let them
get to know the real me, I began to experience healing in Jesus Christ. In
dealing with the problems in my heart, and learning how to talk about them,
through being with other's that are open, my fat began coming off! I look like a
different woman!
My friends tell me I'm half the woman I used to be!!!!
I'm no longer looking for my KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOR to come and take me away,
because I'm getting to know the TRUE PRINCE OF PEACE AND LORD OF LORDS. The
lover and healer of my soul Jesus Christ is becoming real to me because I have
received HIS BODY here on the earth! Having open, accountable relationships with
His people has absolutely changed my life, FOREVER!!........ "yet He
setteth the poor on high from affliction, and maketh him
families like a flock!" (Psalm 107:41)
It's been several years since I've written this testimony. And a lot has
happened since then. God has shown me how I didn't see my body, as His
temple. I have destroyed it by my addictive, destructive ways, and I needed to
take responsibility for my own actions. I didn't want to face myself in
who I had become. My body wasn't lying to me....it was shouting what I was reaping
through what I had been sowing for so many years. Thinking I was so righteous
in my Christianity. I was a hypocrite, liar, and deceiver. Thank God
for His mercy and grace. I never had a middle name so one of my sister's
in the Lord started calling me ALICE GRACE. So that's what my new name is
Alice Grace Cruz. I was like that woman in Ezek. 16, ...I found thee and saw
thee polluted in thine own blood, I said unto thee when thou wast in thy blood, Live...
The reason I went to the Holy Land three times was to get holy, only to become
more rebellious and hating men for not loving me right. I was lost in the
Kingdom of getting my own needs met, not serving My King. I didn't love
men's souls either, I was looking to consume them upon my lust and damning them
for looking at me that way. I was certainly not a princess and wearing the
right apparel for her prince. God put me in a house where I was told the truth in love. People spoke to me for the sake of my soul, not for how it
was affecting them personally. I knew in my heart that if the Lord would
come, I would be found a foolish virgin with no oil in my lamp. I was like
a cup clean on the outside but dirty in the inside, no clean water in my cup. I
loved to do sacrifices.....but OBEDIENCE......NOT ME!!!
I had to ask myself, am I "meet" for the masters use, where was
my treasure really, and would I take the mark of the beast when it
came right down to it for food? My God was my belly and my mind was set on
earthly things, and I had to face my sin for what it was and cry out to God, to
save me from myself and my destructive ways. That was quite an awakening for me.
Was I good for the masters use? NO! Where was my treasure, because
that's where my heart really is! MONEY, that's where my heart was. I was
building a house on the sand, looking for unrighteous mammon.....money to save
me. And the last question is: would I have taken the mark? YES, for
survival. I was in a church that said to me God is prospering you because
your soooo spiritual. They were stroking me in my sin, telling me words that
tickled my ears, but I really needed to hear words of conviction to save me from
the enemies of my soul. I loved the lie and I had to get sick of What a
Big fat lie I was. And growing fatter and fatter wasn't a life that was
proclaiming freedom in Jesus. I was paying people to lie to me, while I lied to
myself; I wanted the praise of men, and I was willing to dish out praise to men and
I had finally gotten sick of it!
I thank the LORD for what he has done for me, I'm so happy that I have chosen
the narrow way. Don't get me wrong, its not because its been an easier
softer way. It's harder initially, but it's much easier in the end, and the
rewards are eternal. My flesh didn't want to lose it's life, but my spirit did.
My Spirit won out. I saw that denying the flesh is a blessing, not a
curse!
My family had a hard time with me letting go of this good job. They
thought I had lost my mind. They thought I joined a "cult."
They never said anything to me at the time, but later I found out their
thinking. My only brother stopped talking to me up until December 4, 2000.
And the reason didn't matter now, but I remembering praying for our relationship
to mend and for his salvation to my Lord Jesus Christ. The same Jesus Christ that
delivered me from my depths of pity, self-indulgence and hopelessness. It
doesn't matter if you get drunk on food, booze, strife, or workaholism.
When you're drunk, you're asleep spiritually, right where the devil wants you.
That's how I lived with my husband, and the chains of addiction and destruction
were very familiar to my brother and everyone in my family. We were all
overcome by one lust or another. If it wasn't money, sex, or power, it was
food.
On Dec. 3, 2000 I went to
California to surprise my mother for her retirement party. After her party my
family surprised me by having a party for me with my family whom I hadn't seen
in ten years. They were surprised when they saw in me, (half the woman they had
known in the past), but twice the woman spiritually. That's when one of my
sister's thought it was her fault that I left the family. Because she had
told me that my ex-husband had molested her before I left, she thought this had
removed me from my family. I had written and shared what the Lord has done
for me, but when you live in the dark and want to stay in the dark, you have a
hard time comprehending the light. I told her when I left, I decided
that the curse of the family was going to stop with me. I was getting
answers to the lies the family was afraid to expose.
I found out then that my brother was in a rehab and was very ill. He had his
life overcome, by the devil stealing, killing and destroying him through alcohol
and drugs. He didn't turn to Jesus to get free from the family curse, but little
did I know He was crying out to God deep in his soul. I surprised him by
going to see him in the rehab clinic. I had to find out why he didn't want to
talk to me, and why he never answered my letters. Only to find out that he
didn't want to expose my ex-husband to me for fear of hurting me. He
didn't want to expose my husband's drug pushing habits and the secret life of
lust he was leading when I wasn't around. The word that comes to me
"You shall know the truth and the Truth shall make you free." If
the Son makes "you shall be free in deed."
I only saw clearer, what bondage that I came out of and I had more sorrow
because my family doesn't see it yet, what Jesus really wants to free them from.
I had an awesome time together with my brother after ten years. His name is
Steve and he was open to hear the testimony of Jesus in my life and was
rejoicing with me; the time flew so fast. He said to me that he had
accepted the Lord about a couple of weeks ago. Because he had REALLY RECEIVED
JESUS', He was receiving me for the first time in years. He could tell how
the Lord
had renewed my youth, what the canker worm had stolen. He was happy to see
I wasn't bound and running from my problems, by sticking my head in the sand of
gluttony.
It didn't hit me what he said until I came back home from the trip. I
doubted what he said about being saved because I had prayed for him for soooo long and it seemed too good to be true. Does the Lord really answer my
prayers.....I wonder how much of a difference it makes for us to pray for our
unsaved family? He had been sent ministering spirits from the throne room
of God and I could hardly believe it! I got a call from my aunt, one
morning about a month late, that my brother had liver cancer. All I wanted
to know without a shadow or doubt was that my brother would know the peace of
God which passes all understanding and that I would see him later, in Heaven with
Jesus. I would call him every chance I could; he assured me that he knew my
Savior also. My brother went to be with my Lord ten days later.
My mother has come to visit me on a few occasions. Her heart cries out for
freedom when she's here, and she's thrilled with what she sees Jesus has done
for me, but she doesn't understand it like I pray she would someday. My deepest
heart's desire is to see all my family saved from the bondage of their
addictions. I received a letter from my mother, stating that she told my brother
she called Alice's family (my family of fellow believer's), her
family! My brother said "they're my family too!" I am so
thankful today for hearing the voice "Come follow me." WIDE is
the way to destruction and narrow is the way to LIFE. Choose life or
death, the blessing or the curse. You know what I see now? It's much
harder to choose the curse, and choosing life can make a big difference to
others one day! Money can't buy you love. Food, sex, money, and hell are
all things that are NEVER ENOUGH. When you have the peace of God in your
soul, and you make the Lord your Shepherd, You don't have be destroyed by
wantonness! The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want. He has made
me to lie down in green pastures, and has led me beside the still waters.
He has restored my soul. What He's done for me, He can do for you because He is
no respecter of person's.
Thank you and God bless you for taking the time to read my testimony. I
pray that it has helped encourage you in some way. If you would like to
talk with me about anything I've shared, please don't hesitate to contact me.
Dear Reader - are you at peace with God? If not, you can be. Do you know what awaits you when you die? You can have the assurance from the Holy Spirit that heaven will be your home, if you would like to be certain. Either Jesus Christ died for yours sins, or He didn't (He did!). Are you prepared to stand before God on the Judgment Day and tell Him that you didn't need the shed blood of Jesus Christ on the Cross to cover your sins? We plead with you ... please don't make such a tragic mistake
"Dad ... Jesus is HERE!"
(The Timmy Thrasher Story)
By: Bob & Linda Thrasher
Our son, Timmy Thrasher, was born with cystic fibrosis. At age 11, he went to the hospital, never to come home again. My wife and I spent five of the longest days of our lives there at the hospital, watching our son die.
Timmy . . . boy, he was neat. If I could die half as gallant as he died, I think I'd have to consider myself a pretty courageous person.
After a couple of days in the hospital, he became so weak that we had to turn up his oxygen as high as it could go. With cystic fibrosis, the lungs fill up with mucus, and one drowns in it - very slowly.
On the third day, the Lord came, and oh, what a relief. Out of the blue, Timmy said to me, "Dad, Jesus is here."
And I responded, "I know, son," just trying to be agreeable and making things easier for him, thinking he was talking incoherently.
He said, "No, really Dad - He's here!"
I sort of raised my eyebrows and replied, "Ohhhh?"
<"Honest, Dad, He's really here!"
"I believe you, son, I really do," still trying not to say the wrong thing. At that point he reached over and patted the bed where my arm was, and said, "He's sitting right here, Daddy."
I moved my arm and asked, "Well, am I in His way?"
What happened next is
beyond description or comprehension. For the next 16 hours solid,
he began to praise God. Now one must understand -- here's a
little boy on oxygen turned all the way up to eight liters. Six
liters is as high as one can take it, the doctors said, but Timmy
was taking eight liters. We had tried to sneak it down to six
when he would relax and doze, because over six liters it burns
out the nostrils. But here he was, praising the Lord, and over
and over he would say, "Jeeeesssssusss . . . I lovvvve
youuuuu. Jesussss, I loveeee youuuuuu," over and over,
giving Him simple praise from the heart. About 2 A.M. on that
last day - when for all practical purposes he was dead - suddenly
he came up out of the bed and flung his arms around me and said
with a very firm voice, "Daddy . . . I've seen Him. I
know how big He is . . . and oh do I love Himmmmmmmm!" He never said another
word to me after that. A couple of hours
later, he came up out of the bed again when it was my wife's turn
to watch him, and he hugged her. He didn't say anything to her;
he just hugged her for about half an hour. Close to 10 P.M. that
night I began to pray. While I was praying, my mind began to have
flashbacks to the times when Timmy and I would be talking, when
he would ask me how I would behave after he died. I told him I
would probably get pretty angry -- pretty angry with God, but I'd
forgive Him. Timmy would kind of laugh, knowing the kind of Daddy
he had.< "Timmy - I'll make
you a promise" I walked over to Timmy
after I finished praying and brushed his hair. Then I wiped his
forehead dry, and said to him, "Timmy - I'll make you a
promise. I will not get angry with God. I love Jesus . . . and
Timmy, I will not allow your death to make me angry or
bitter toward God." A few moments later I
walked out of the room and walked over to a window and started
praying again. I was looking at a church in the distance. The sun
was setting and it was so beautiful. My eyes were fixed on the cross on top of that church, and I began to say, "Lord, I
love you . . . and I rededicate myself to you. I'm tired of
fighting, Lord. I just want to be your servant." My wife came out of the
room shortly after that and I knew she was near the point of
exhaustion. So was I. At that moment, I looked up and said,
"God . . . I can't take anymore. I have completely . . .
exhausted . . . myself. My wife yelled a moment
later. I knew what was happening, and I ran back into the room,
just in time to see Timmy catch his last breath. It was over. The next few months I
began to walk slow and steady with the Lord. I became a changed
person. Slowly I began to see that all of the problems in my
earlier Christian walk were all brought on by myself. One problem was that I
had kept my eyes on people, and not God. The other problem,
undoubtedly worse of all, was that I made myself God,
because of my critical, judgmental nature. Because I had not
dealt with problems of rejection early in my Christian walk,
bitterness and anger was able to rise up in me. In my ignorance
(and pride), I grew bitter and angry at Christians, and was
nothing more than a pawn of the devil to sow discord in the Body
of Christ I hope that by sharing
this story it will help some people from going through much of
the needless pain and suffering that I put my family, others, and
myself through. It's not the weaknesses of other Christians that
matter; not their faults. There's only one thing that matters.
I've got to keep my eyes fixed firmly on Jesus Christ, and I'll
walk content with my brothers and sisters in Christ until my time
is up. Keeping my eyes fixed on Jesus and His goodness is all
that counts. Timmy taught me that. His last hours on this
earth were a lesson never to be forgotten, as he found his peace
and comfort in Jesus - not man. Someday, we'll be
together again, in heaven.
Dear Reader - are you at peace with God? If not, you can be. Do you know what awaits you when you die? You can have the assurance from the Holy Spirit that heaven will be your home, if you would like to be certain. Either Jesus Christ died for yours sins, or He didn't (He did!). Are you prepared to stand before God on the Judgment Day and tell Him that you didn't need the shed blood of Jesus Christ on the Cross to cover your sins? We plead with you ... please don't make such a tragic mistake.
"Death of a Guru:The Story of Rabi Maharaj"
We never shared anything in our lives. Because of vows he had taken before I was born, not once did he ever speak to me or pay me the slightest heed. Just two words from him would have made me unspeakably happy. How I wanted to hear him say, "Rabi. Son." Just once. But he never did.
For eight long years he uttered not a word. The trancelike condition he had achieved is called in the East a state of higher consciousness and can be attained only through deep meditation.
"Why is Father that way?" I would ask my mother, still too young to understand. "He is someone very special -- the greatest man you could have for a father," she would reply. "He is seeking the true Self that lies within us all, the One Being, of which there is no other. And that's what you are too, Rabi."
Father had set an example, achieved wide acclaim, and earned the worship of many, and it was inevitable that upon his death his mantle would fall upon me. I had never imagined, however, that I would still be so young when this fateful day arrived.
When father died I felt I had lost everything. Though I had scarcely known him as my father, he had been my inspiration -- a god -- and now he was dead.
At his funeral, my father's stiff body was placed on a great npile of firewood. The thought of his body being sacrificed to Agni, the god of fire, added a new dimension of mystery to the bewilderment and deep sense of loss that already overwhelmed me.
As the flames engulfed him, it was impossible to suppress the anguish I felt. "Mommy!" I screamed. "Mommy!" If she heard me above the roar of sparks and fire, she made no indication. A true Hindu, she found strength to follow the teaching of Krishna: she would mourn neither the living nor the dead. Not once did she cry as the flames consumed my father.
After my father's funeral, I became a favorite subject for the palm-readers and astrologers who frequented our house. Our family would hardly make an important decision without consulting an astrologer, so it was vital that my future be confirmed in the same way. It was encouraging to learn that the lines on my palms and the planets and stars, according to those who interpreted them, all agreed I would become a great Hindu leader. I was obviously a chosen vessel, destined for early success in the search for union with Brahman (the One). The forces that had guided my father were now guiding me.
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I was only eleven and already many people were bowing before me, laying gifts of money, cotton cloth, and other treasures at my feet and hanging garlands of flowers around my neck at religious ceremonies.
How I loved religious ceremonies -- especially private ones in our own home or those of others, where friends and relatives would crowd in. There I would be the center of attention, admired by all. I loved to move through the audience, sprinkling holy water on worshipers or marking foreheads with the sacred white sandalwood paste. I also loved how the worshipers, after the ceremony, bowed low before me to leave their offerings at my feet.
While vacationing at an Aunt's ranch, I had my first real encounter with Jesus. I was walking along enjoying nature one day and was startled by a rustling sound in the underbrush behind me. I turned quickly and, to my horror, saw a large snake coming directly toward me -- its beady eyes staring intently into mine. I felt paralyzed, wanting desperately to run but unable to move.
In that moment of frozen terror, out of the past came my mother's voice, repeating words I had long forgotten: "Rabi, if ever you're in real danger and nothing else seems to work, there's another god you can pray to. His name is Jesus."
"Jesus! Help me!" I tried to yell, but the desperate cry was choked and hardly audible.
To my astonishment, the snake turned around and quickly wriggled off into the underbrush. Breathless and still trembling, I was filled with wondering gratitude to this amazing god, Jesus. Why had my mother not taught me more about him?
During my third year in high school I experienced an increasingly deep inner conflict. My growing awareness of God as the Creator, separate and distinct from the universe He had made, contradicted the Hindu concept that god was everything, that the Creator and the Creation were one and the same. If there was only One Reality, then Brahman was evil as well as good, death as well as life, hatred as well as love. That made everything meaningless, life an absurdity. It was not easy to maintain both one's sanity and the view that good and evil, love and hate, life and death were One Reality.
One day a friend of my cousin Shanti, whose name was Molli, came by to visit. She asked me about whether I found Hinduism fulfilling. Trying to hide my emptiness, I lied and told her I was very happy and that my religion was the Truth. She listened patiently to my pompous and sometimes arrogant pronouncements. Without arguing, she exposed my emptiness gently with politely phrased questions.
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She told me that Jesus had brought her close to God. She also said that God is a God of love and that He desires us to be close to Him. As appealing as this sounded to me, I stubbornly resisted, not willing to surrender my Hindu roots.
Still, I found myself asking, "What makes you so happy? You must have been doing a lot of meditation." "I used to," Molli responded, "but not any more. Jesus has given me a peace and joy that I never knew before." Then she said, "Rabi, you don't seem very happy. Are you?"
I lowered my voice: "I'm not happy. I wish I had your joy." Was I saying this? "My joy is because my sins are forgiven," said Molli. "Peace and joy come from Christ, through really knowing Him."
We continued talking for half a day, unaware of how the time had passed. I wanted her peace and joy, but I was absolutely resolved that I wasn't going to give up any part of my religion. As she was leaving, she said: "Before you go to bed tonight, Rabi, please get on your knees and ask God to show you the Truth -- and I'll be praying for you." With a wave of her hand she was gone.
Pride demanded that I reject everything Molli had said, but I was too desperate to save face any longer. I fell to my knees, conscious that I was giving in to her request.
"God, the true God and Creator, please show me the truth!" Something inside me snapped. For the first time in my life, I felt I had really prayed and gotten through -- not to some impersonal Force, but to the true God who loves and cares. Too tired to think any longer, I crawled into bed and fell asleep almost instantly.
Soon after, my cousin Krishna invited me to a Christian meeting. I again surprised myself by responding: "Why not?"
On our way there, Krishna and I were joined by Ramkair, a new acquaintance of his. "Do you know anything about this meeting?" I asked him, anxious to get some advance information.
"A little," he replied. "I became a Christian recently." "Tell me," I said eagerly. "Did Jesus really change your life?" Ramkair smiled broadly. "He sure did! Everything is different."
"It's really true, Rab!" added Krishna enthusiastically. "I've become a Christian too -- just a few days ago."
The preacher's sermon was based on Psalm 23, and the words, "The Lord is my shepherd," made my heart leap. After expounding the Psalm, the preacher said: "Jesus wants to be your Shepherd. Have you heard His voice speaking to your heart? Why not open your heart to Him now? Don't wait until tomorrow -- that may be too late!" The preacher seemed to be speaking directly to me. I could delay no longer.
I quickly knelt in front of him. He smiled and asked if anyone else wanted to receive Jesus. No one stirred. Then he asked the Christians to come forward and pray with me. Several did, kneeling beside me. For years Hindus had bowed before me -- and now I was kneeling before a Christian.
Aloud I repeated after him a prayer inviting Jesus into my heart. When the preacher said, "Amen," he suggested I pray in my own words. Quietly, choking with emotion, I began: "Lord Jesus, I've never studied the Bible, but I've heard that you died for my sins at Calvary so I could be forgiven and reconciled to God. Please forgive me all my sins. Come into my heart!"
Before I finished, I knew that Jesus wasn't just another one of several million gods. He was the God for whom I had hungered. He Himself was the Creator. Yet, He loved me enough to become a man and die for my sins. With that realization, tons of darkness seemed to lift and a brilliant light flooded my soul.
After arriving home, Krishna and I found the entire family waiting up for us, apparently having heard what had happened. "I asked Jesus into my life tonight!" I exclaimed happily, as I looked from one to another of those startled faces. "It's glorious. I can't tell you how much he means to me already."
Some in my family seemed wounded and bewildered; others seemed happy for me. But before it was all over with, thirteen of us had ended up giving our hearts to Jesus! It was incredible.
The following day I walked resolutely into the prayer room with Krishna. Together we carried everything out into the yard: idols, Hindu scriptures, and religious paraphernalia. We wanted to rid ourselves of every tie with the past and with the powers of darkness that had blinded and enslaved us for so long.
When everything had been piled on the rubbish heap, we set it on fire and watched the flames consume our past. The tiny figures we once feared as gods were turning to ashes. We hugged one another and offered thanks to the Son of God who had died to set us free.
I found my thoughts going back to my father's cremation nearly eight years before. In contrast to our new found joy, that scene had aroused inconsolable grief. My father's body had been offered to the very same false gods who now lay in smoldering fragments before me. It seemed unbelievable that I should be participating with great joy in the utter destruction of that which represented all I had once believed in so fanatically. In a sense this was my cremation ceremony -- the end of the person I had once been...the death of a guru. The old Rabi Maharaj had died in Christ. And out of that grave a new Rabi had risen in whom Christ was now living.